pixel background

Here is a pixel background that I made for kicks one day. Then I made palette swaps for it. Gotta keep up the skills. It's weird but I just love pixel work.

And go here to see it animated (it loads fast)

Speakeasy animation

I've uploaded an animation that I created for speakeasyDC onto youTube - check it out here:

speakeasy animation

speakeasyDC is a group that puts on storytelling events for adult audiences (not in the nude/moneyshot way - its just not mother goose stuff, that's all). I have been to several and they are extremely entertaining.

For more info, visit their website at:
speakeasyDC.com

Desert Scene

Here is an image I built using Flash.

Check out how I built it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SURTSecqBJM

Or buy the image here:
http://www.redbubble.com/people/dsilber/art/2113537-2-desert-scene

Rembrandt

YouTube Video Monster

Hey all, I've just uploaded a clip of me making one of these monsters. Take a looksy:

Monster Guy

bioMonster

This one's a portrait of my sister. Just kidding, it's yet another monster. The black and white one was done a few months ago using a program called ProMotion at a pretty low resolution. Then I went back in and colored it in Photoshop.

Seriously though, my sister scares the hell out of me.

Recently I blew up the image and have gone back in to make the higher resolution picture look nice. That was kind of a pain, but worth it so that it will look nice as a poster.

And... You can buy the poster here:
redBubble

More Hospital Stuff

Hospital Paintings

These were supposed to be backgrounds from a little game for an independent company I was working with - A puzzle game that has a back story that has to do with doctors/medicine. These were painted in Photoshop.

I haven't heard from the company in over a year, so I figure that there is no harm in posting these. These are the first few, I will post the others soon.

Toad Monster

Here is yesterday's monster. I drew it in pencil in my sketchbook on the subway on the way to work. Later I went back in with Photoshop and colored this guy in in.

You can buy a card with this dude here:

Toad Monster Card

Platformer Art

Here is a link to a little example of a pixel animation that I created a few weeks back. You MUST click in the window and use the LEFT/RIGHT ARROWS to view the animation.


pixel animation


Pixel work is cool because it is all about doing the best possible work under major resolution and palette restraints. I love the problem-solving necessary.

Monster Wearing Pants

I have created a self-imposed project of creating a monster a day for a while. So far I've been creating these guys using ink in my sketchbook. Here is the first post (although not the first one created because I haven't scanned the others yet). I decided to color this guy in using photoshop.

Fun stuff. If you like it you can buy a print here:

monster (B & W)

monster (color)

More content will be coming your way soon.

Less Talk, More Art

This blog is in the process of evolving. I've realized that I am not very consistent with the writing down of my ideas, so I am adjusting this blog to better suit my abilities.

I will now be updated this blog on a regular basis (at least once a week) with new visual Art. This is the bread and butter of what I do, which will make the process better for me and far more consistent for you.

It is likely that I will jot down some thoughts from time to time, but that will take second seat from here on out.

Enjoy!

Hurray for Failure!

We have a tendency to avoid and dislike failing, so it tends to get a nasty reputation. I’d like to put my two cents in and stick up for my buddy Failure – we’ve coexisted happily for quite a long time.

Failure first introduced himself to me in school in Geography class. At the time I wasn’t really receptive to his company and wanted him to just go away. But he didn’t. He came back into my life over and over again.

It really wasn’t until 11th grade that I started to accept Failure's company. I wanted to draw pictures. Failure decided that he likes pictures too, and wanted to stick around with me while I drew. So my pictures came out ugly. But that year my relationship with failure shifted slightly: I liked drawing more than I disliked Failure.

So we hung out for a long time drawing pictures together. Failure taught me a lot about Art, and after a while my pictures got a bit better. In time they got better and better and eventually Failure decided that he didn’t want to hang out with me any more – at least while I was drawing. He said that he didn’t really have much to teach me any more. Occasionally he would still join me for an Art competition, but most of the time I was drawing pictures with his twin – Success.

I never would have met Success if it weren’t for Failure.

At first I found myself infatuated with Success. I loved the way that she would flatter me and would spend as much time in her company as possible. It’s weird, though. After a while I found her a little bit shallow. She was very attractive, but didn’t have as much to teach me as Failure.

So I often found myself trying new things. Each time I picked up a new interest Failure would be there waiting for me with open arms. And for each interest, Success would be hanging out just out of site waiting for Failure to get tired. She would always look beautiful to me – and each time I would run to her, forgetting how short-lived our happiness seems to be.

So Failure and Success hang out together. If you want to meet Success, you are likely to have some interactions with her brother Failure.

People get so bent out of shape about experiencing Failure. He’s not so bad. He’s annoying and seems to show up at inconvenient times but most of the time he is harmless.

Besides, you can learn a lot from him and his sister is hot.

Goals

There are lots of different types of goals that people try to achieve in their life. This morning I decided to break them into 4 categories.

1. UPKEEP GOALS – These are small goals that are accomplished, but need to be redone frequently. Some examples would be:

• Doing the dishes
• Walking the dog
• Getting the oil changed on your car
• Balancing your checkbook

Because of the frequency of accomplishment, and the relatively small reward these have a tendency to be dissatisfying. It is also difficult for most people to be successful in all aspects simultaneously, which can give a false sense of failure.

2. GOALS OF AMBITION – These are larger goals that have higher difficulty, and usually take longer to accomplish. They rely on some degree of external measurement or validation. Some examples would be:

• Making $1,000,000
• Getting a Masters or Doctorate Degree
• Having your work published
• Becoming Famous

These goals have a high level of challenge and the reward can sometimes be life changing. After achieving an ambitious goal, one is likely to feel elated for a time. Often these goals of ambition are really goals of self mastery in disguise.

3. GOALS OF SELF MASTERY - Goals that are self imposed that test self discipline. These do not rely on external validations, and are occasionally done purely for the sake of challenge. These are often physical in nature. Some examples would be:

• Running a marathon
• Giving up smoking
• Communicating frustration without yelling
• Never being late
• Facing a fear

These goals do not have the same intense climax as the Goals of Ambition, but tend to be satisfying over a longer period of time. When achieved, these goals contribute to a higher level of confidence.

4. GOALS OF CONTENTMENT – These are self imposed goals where the measurements and results are entirely emotional & internal. These do not test self discipline. Some examples include:

• Letting go of anxiety and worry
• Appreciating what you have
• Accepting uncertainty
• Self forgiveness
• Being ‘in the moment’
• Feeling happy and contented

These goals have no climax and no timeline. They are continual in every moment. They tend to be so abstract that they are not always acknowledged as goals. They are achieved or failed on a moment to moment basis.

As you may or may not have noticed, these descriptions have a bit of a progression to them. We have moved from external goals to more and more internal goals.

Our society focuses very much on external accomplishments – Where did you go to school? How much money do you have? Do you have a fancy car? Are you famous? What is your importance? Do you have political clout? But these things seldom correlate with our individual contentment.

So you finally made a million dollars – that’s great! Or is it? After the original elation wears off, you find out that there is a negative side to having all that money**. Your friends act funny around you now that you are ‘rich’. People expect new things from you. You quit your job and suddenly you don’t know what to do with yourself. The structure of your week is gone and everyone else is working during the day.

And you become anxious that your money will disappear. You have more resources than ever before but you desperately hold on to your money, terrified of going back to your old life. Your goal has been achieved, and you can see nothing to look forward to.

Alternatively, let’s say that you have had a great deal of success appreciating what you have and feeling happy and contented. Suddenly these ‘upkeep goals’ don’t seem like pesky chores any more. From this vantage point they are not something that you are getting out of the way to attend to ‘more important’ things.


**Just so you know, I am not against acquiring wealth. My point is only that riches have little or nothing to do with happiness.

Not Fair!

You want to be happy. You are attempting to be peaceful. You are trying so hard to be nice.

But then someone comes along and says something attacking that is hypocritical/untrue/irrelevant. Or maybe you are chewed out for something that is beyond your control. It could even be a genuine accident on your part that was blown way out of proportion.

Often it comes from a loved one or someone you generally respect. You might have even been going out of your way to help that person, making the attack feel even more inappropriate.

And you feel your blood begin to boil at the injustice! You feel an instant need to set them straight and clear your maligned name.

Hold on there, partner. There are a couple ways this could go:
1. You could ‘set them straight’ and defend your position. Or
2. You could ‘accept’ the barrage of negativity without taking a position.


Let’s consider the two options.


Scenario Number 1 – You point out the flaws in the other person’s argument. You masterfully argue your side logically and mask your inner rage (with great effort).

For some reason, the other person only becomes more unreasonable. Now they are bringing up issues from the past that aren’t directly relevant to the current situation. They are citing times where you did the exact same thing. What a shit storm!

You can’t understand why the other person is fighting you so hard. You wish you had a microphone to record the conversation so that you could share it with the other person when they are feeling more rational.

Eventually, the discussion/argument is discontinued without resolve. You just barely escape – but you still feel resentful. Neither party has gotten resolution from the ‘discussion’.

Sometimes the other person apologizes for the actions. Sometimes not.

And if the other person doesn’t see your side of the argument, you never fully forgive them because in your heart you know that you were right.

With time, the bad feelings fade and life goes more or less back to normal but your connection with this person has been weakened.


Scenario Number 2 – **You sit and listen while the other person attacks. Instead of using you masterful understanding of logic to contradict the other person, you focus that logic silently on figuring out why this person is attacking you.

You are already secure in the fact that you did nothing wrong. You don’t need to prove that to anyone else. So you listen. And ask questions. And an interesting thing happens.

After a bit of time, the two of you realize that the REASON for the attack has nothing to do with CONTENT of the attack. Even though you were chastised for something unfairly, it will eventually come out that there is an underlying issue.

Again you choke back the urge to point your finger at them screaming “See! See! Don’t you see how UNFAIR you were being!” – because you know that this would start another wave of attacks, citing times where you did the exact same thing, etc....

You find out that the person has some big issue that is clouding their judgment. You realize that whatever insignificant thing that you did was only a catalyst that opened the door to their deeper feelings. Usually it has something to do with feelings of fear on some level.

By not engaging in the argument, you have shown that you will not judge their feelings. You have indirectly made the environment 'safe' for talking about the deeper feelings of fear.

You realize that you no longer feel the need to be right. You understand their feelings and why your insignificant action ignited such a strong reaction. You still feel that their reaction was unfair and out of place, but you forgive them.

You forgive them because you understand why it happened (whether justified or not). You forgive them because they have gotten their temper out of control and you want to enjoy their company once again. But most of all you forgive them so that YOU can move on - so that you don’t have to carry around resentment.

It is unfair. But this is an important component to maintaining happiness.

Why do we always feel such a compulsion to be right?


**Note – I know that some feel that this would be ‘backing down’ or ‘being weak’. The truth is that it takes a tremendous amount of strength not to engage when someone is egging you on. It’s easy to indulge in your negative emotions. Keeping positive throughout someone else’s negativity is way harder.

Entrepreneurial Mindset

The other day I took my daughter to the local neighborhood playground for a play date. While there, I had a grand time chatting and joking around with the other parent. Eventually I mentioned my interest in personal finance and entrepreneurship and that steered the conversation in a new direction.

I told this other parent that I don’t believe that a job is a very logical way to earn income and he found this curious and a bit shocking. Then he politely asked just how one could earn income other than a job.

I said that there are actually a lot of different ways but growing up with traditional middle class ideals doesn’t expose us to anything different. We learn both explicitly and implicitly to pick a profession so that you can get a ‘good’ job.

Then I used this analogy for the mindset of the entrepreneur:

• Suppose you earn your living mowing people’s lawns. You can mow 8 lawns in a day at $20 each. You are earning $160 a day. So you make roughly $40,000 a year (before taxes, etc) - not so bad for something so straightforward.

• The middle class mindset is to learn more about landscaping and become an expert so you can charge $30 an hour. Then you buy the best lawnmower, so that you can mow a whopping 10 yards in a day! Now you’re making roughly $75,000 a year before expenses. Wow, now you are rolling in the dough!

• Now in walks the entrepreneur. He heard through the grapevine that you are making some big bucks doing some simple lawn mowing and decides that this might be worth pursuing.
  
  So he hires someone to start mowing lawns – 8 a day. He pays the new employee $18 a lawn and withholds $2 for himself/the company. Now the employee gets roughly $36,000 a year before expenses, and the entrepreneur only gets $4,000. But the entrepreneur doesn’t work for it.
  
  So after a little while, the entrepreneur decides that he wants to earn a bit more income. So he hires 9 more employees. Now there are 10 folks all on the work force earning their $36,000 a year before expenses. Now the owner is making about the same as the employees. At this point the entrepreneur is working pretty hard to obtain clients.
  
  After some legwork, business continues to expand. Word of the company has gotten around and there is more business than the 10 employees can handle. So the owner hires 5 more people and better lawn mowers to speed up the process. He also increases the price of the service to $26 a yard.
  
  The owner splits the price increase with the employees and now they are each mowing 10 yards a day and making $52,000 before taxes. The owner is now making roughly $187,500 a year before taxes.
  
  Business continues to pick up and the owner, so he hires 10 more employees – bringing the total up to 25 people. Then he increases their share of earnings from each lawn from $21 per lawn mowed up to $22 per lawn mowed. The workers get a little bump in salary to $55,000 a year before taxes.
  
  The owner is now making $250,000 a year before taxes and expenses. And he doesn’t mow any lawns. What's more is that now the business is stable, he is free to start a second business on the side if he chooses to.

And that is the entrepreneurial mindset.

Creative Evolution

What role do clones play in the creative world? Do they simply feed off of another’s hard work? What value can the end product be if it is simply a facsimile of what has already been created? What can be gained by simply cloning another’s work?

As an Artist and someone who makes video games - and have a push/pull emotion when I see clones being created. But a great deal can be learned by simply copying a master’s work.

As a youngster just opening up to the field of Art I copied artwork directly out of comic books. Soon after, (in Art school), I made copies of renaissance Artists’ and Post Impressionist works – emulating their style and technique.

I found that even when I could reproduce the image with success, it was kind of empty. Although I had learned something, there was no real statement being made with the pieces.

In a true clone, the creative process will stop here – A direct copy of the original. This occurs sometimes in the game development world: Tetris clones, Chess clones, etc. Even when executed superbly, there is nothing new being added to the creative community.

But in the majority of cases the creators will add something unique in the second generation. Maybe the technique is refined. Sometimes a new element is added. Perhaps the context has changed giving it new meaning.

Even if the core idea is the same, each generation has an opportunity to add something significant.

Example from the video game world:

• Space Invaders
• Galaxian
• Galaga
• Raiden
• Ikaruga
  

[We could also many, many others but I like the above example because you can clearly see how each one has built on the framework of the previous]

This is part of the natural evolution of creative media.

Of course, there are plenty of times where an attempt to clone or innovate on an existing idea fails miserably. Often this is a result of poor execution - there are many reasons for this, many of which are out of the creator’s hands (too little time, too little budget, imposing publisher, etc).

There is another part of the evolution that I would like to mention, and that is the cross pollination of genres. This is innovating on an old idea specifically by fusing it with another old idea.

This can have some interesting results. For some reason this kind of methodology tends to have much more volatility in quality. It seems to breed both the most inspiring pieces of Art as well as the biggest turkeys. There is less precedent. It involves more risk.

But then again, why not be risky? No one’s life is hanging on the quality of a piece of Art (career maybe, but not life).

Strange Vessels

Our bodies are strange vessels.

We identify with a state of being that is tangible and stable, but that is not entirely so. Our size and shape changes constantly. We perceive ourselves as solid – we are and we are not. When we touch something solid, we stop. But we have many cavities throughout our body. The pocket inside our mouths. The passage to and inside of our lungs. One could also argue that there is the space between the atoms. That being said, these cavities are efficient beyond anything made by humans. When we close our mouth, the tongue and teeth and jaw and roof of the mouth contract into a perfect tightness. Our bladders expand and contract depending on the liquid they hold.

Our bodies change frequently – changing temperature with sickness. Gaining mass with food consumption and loosing mass when we excrete. We shed skin cells and hair. In my case lots of hair. Our hair and fingernails grow. Our skin changes color when we bruise or burn. In our younger years our size changes dramatically in short periods of time. Through childbirth, a woman’s internal organs will change location. We get wrinkles with old age.

And oddly, we usually use this constantly changing vessel as the basis of our identity. We look in the mirror and obsess over the color of our hair or the shape of our nose. We forget that this body is just the container for our consciousness. We think about the color of our eyes more often than we consider their role in visual perception.

So if our bodies are only the exterior shell for our true being, what are we? What is the deeper meaning of being human?

I have more ideas to jot down on this subject, but must end this article now because I’ve needed to use the restroom since writing the part that says “Our bladders expand and contract depending on the liquid they hold.”

Perception

The past couple days I’ve been contemplating perception. What does it mean to perceive? Is it to simply become aware of something? We can look at a flyer on a bulletin board and have many different levels of awareness/perception about it:

• Sometimes we walk past it dimly aware that it exists at all save for a small element our environment. Other times we can look at that same flyer and read the content written. In other instances it is a trigger a deeper awareness connected to input that we have already acquired (examples: If you had seen the missing dog displayed on the poster at the local dog park. Or if you knew the person who posted the flyer, and know how sad they are that their dog is missing. Or perhaps it triggers feeling of sadness from when you lost your dog…).
  
  We can also perceive this flyer as a visual entity. Behold the yellow of the flyer stands out against the brown bulletin board. Notice how it casts a delicate shadow on the surface below.
  
  One may be able to judge how long the flyer has been up on the cork board by the color and texture of the paper.
  

Our perceptions are always incomplete. When we look at something, we are not looking at the true object. We see only the reflected rays of light that define that object to our (limited) vision. When we hear something – we actually only perceive the waves given off by the original energy. When we touch something, we don’t feel the thing itself, but rather the force it exerts against our finger.

What about an individual? We still can only experience a person through our five senses. But it gets more complicated. We can perceive a person’s energies through sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing a person… but that is not all.

We can perceive a person through their indirect energies also. When a person has created ANYTHING, we can also perceive their energy. Whey a loved one has written us note, that is an imprint of their energy. They are in your awareness, whether standing with you or not.

Going back to the flyer of the missing dog - that flyer is an imprint of the creator’s energy. It is one of the ways that we are able to perceive and acknowledge the creator’s existence.

But it is not only when we intentionally create something. People emit their presence all over, unconsciously. Have you ever walked into your office and known right away that a certain person was in that day - although you hadn’t seen them yet? Maybe they left their slightly askew. Maybe there is extra paperwork on their desk. Maybe a book was still open, or a pen and paper were left out.

This leads me to a few more questions. If there are various imprints of peoples energy left about, are there varying degrees of one’s presence? Could there be a situation where a person is only ‘somewhat present’? And what is a person’s body? Is it simply the most concentrated amount of a person’s presence?

Can several people imprint their energy in one place? It seems like they can. Is that what creates “office atmosphere” (or any atmosphere for that matter)? Does that mean that there are collective energies?

Yesterday I road the subway to work. I watched people (as I always do, people-watching on the subway is often really interesting) and tried to imagine these strangers as bodies of energy. It was really interesting. I was surprised that I could do this, and it was actually fairly easy to visualize. I found myself noticing a pair of somewhat contradictory things right away:

1. People’s appearance gave some insight into their personal energy, and gave a degree of their experience. People’s scars were physical documents of accidents in their life. You could see that a person had dyed their hair, and roughly how long ago that occurred. Their postures would give some information about their self confidence and conformability. You could read their emotional mood too, to some extent.
2. People’s appearance hid the nature of their personal energy. At points I found myself drawn to people because of their attractive/charismatic appearance. When this happened, I found my ability to imagine them as energy would melt away.
   
   
   I also thought about how we can perceive from a distance. You can look at a building from far away and know it is residential rather than commercial. You can sense roughly how many people are likely to live in the building. You may be able to guess at the occupants' financial status depending on the condition and location of the structure.
   
   As I ate my lunch, I thought about how out bodies take in and spit out energy. That samwich is about to become part of me.
   
   So what defines the borders of our identities? We shed physical parts of ourselves like hair, skin cells, blood, and excretion but it hardly reflects what we are.
   
   We also shed (give birth to) information in the form writings, physical construction, inventions, videos, music, etc. We identify with these creations. They partly define us. They also affect the beings around us, and help to inspire more creation – whether in addition, or in reaction to the original creation.
   

Games as analogy for life

Sometimes I find it empowering to view aspects of life like a game.

In a game there are elements of challenge and reward that drive you towards completing objectives. When a player learns and experiences success, they feel good – and look to repeat the experience with more challenge.

As a result, there is a learning curve in games. If there is nothing new to learn, the game becomes boring and is soon abandoned (examples: Tic Tac Toe, Candyland). Also if the game is too difficult learn, unappealing, or unclear (example: Minesweeper, or Playing Chess against a superior opponent), the game is often deserted in favor of something more accessible.

The games that are the most enjoyable are the ones that are perfectly suited for our ability level. Candyland and Tic Tac Toe are great games for younger children, but not challenging enough for most adults.

Our experiences in life operate in exactly the same manner. An appropriate challenge tends to keep us contented and happy.

When things come to us too easily we tend to get bored and move on. Most people have at some point had a job that was just plain boring. Usually that is a result of not having enough challenge within that atmosphere.

Likewise, when a challenge seems too large (or unappealing or unclear) – it feels inaccessible. We often walk away from the challenge without even trying to accomplish it.

Most people do not attempt to *earn $1,000,000 in one year’s time because it feels inaccessible. People either
Are totally unclear as to how to accomplish this,
Find it a too difficult of a task, or
Find it unappealing for some reason (perhaps citing that “money is the root of all evil”)

Shifting back to the game analogy - If you were playing Chess against someone who kept won every time, you could
1. Give up Chess altogether,
2. Continue to play Chess and find an opponent who is better matched to you, or
3. Learn strategies to becoming a better player.

If you had interest in Chess you would likely opt for BOTH #2 and #3. You would innately understand that you are able to become a better player with more training and experience. You accept that there will lose some games on your road to success. Eventually you may be able to outplay the nitwit who formerly crushed you every game.

Likewise with the $1,000,000 goal, you could:
1. Give up on the goal altogether.
2. Find a goal that is more accessible to your current situation.
3. Learn strategies to earn more income. If you are tenacious, you may find this ambitious goal achievable.

Unlike games, in life most people end up doing #1 and #2. In most cases #3 is also an option, but fear of failure, uncertainty of path or disinterest (like an internal contradiction of believing “money is the root of all evil”) keep us from continuing on the path to success.

When I am faced by a daunting task, I often find myself trying to think of it as a game. If it is too overwhelming to try right away, I read about it and try to understand the problem more clearly. I may try to complete a smaller objective as a learning experience.

So right now I am learning how to become financially independent.

I consider it the miniboss of this level.

*I am only using money because it is clear and easily measurable. The objective could be something far less tangible like: living a healthy lifestyle, keeping a positive attitude, or creating more time to spend with your family.

Why is time such a commodity?

Sometimes life just feels like running around from chore to chore. Always doing little tasks occasionally takes over our lives. Where does all that time go? Why does it feel like such a commodity?

One of the causes for this feeling could be a lack of task priority. If everything feels important, then it feels horrible not to accomplish even one thing on your list. Are you thinking “But every task is important!” ? Well… okay. That may be true. But not every task is EQUALLY important.

In many cases, there are two categories that direct us in priority: 1. most significant, and 2. most urgent time-wise.

At times, these fight for priority. Say your goal is to spend more time with your family, but you have chores that you need to get to. You value your family time as most significant, but going grocery shopping is more urgent. How do you decide?

There isn’t a really easy answer in some cases – but… The more that you can focus on the things that are most important to you, the more contented you are likely to feel. The above situation is a tough one, but maybe you can go without frozen peas for one more day after all.

In many cases, you may find that the thing that is urgent is not actually very significant in your life. There are frequently pressures applied from external sources for a task to be done quickly. A boss might want you to volunteer for something. A client might need that project completed “yesterday”. The fundamental issue with that is that they are not significant to YOU. Often they are actually not essential to be completed in your life at all.

Would your job really be in jeopardy if you turned down that volunteer position? Would you really loose your client if you didn’t put down all of your other tasks to focus on THEIR problem?

Sometimes yes. Most of the time no.

In order to do this, you might need to take some time and energy to explore your goals and priorities. What’s that? Too busy? If you can’t take the time to decide what you want to spend your time on, someone else will.


We all get the same amount of hours in a day. Make them count.

Incomplete Perception

We look past things.

We can be looking directly at something and just plain not see it.

Example: Take a walk down your neighborhood street, and I’ll wager that you won’t tend to notice any of the telephone wire mess above your head. In most instances you will only be vaguely aware that there are wires above but it won’t affect the scenery very much. If you actually focus more directly on those wires, you might find yourself surprised at how unsightly they actually are. The point where the lines hook up with the house tends to be particularly chaotic. There are also great big boxes or barrels suspended at the top of telephone poles that we generally don’t notice. I wonder how many times I’ve parked under one of those bad boys without realizing it.

I am particularly guilty of missing really obvious things, being an artist type. I could be looking directly at a sign. I will remember its color and it’s placement on a door, but have not actually READ what is written.

I never noticed that the brims on baseball caps had a functional purpose until I was playing softball without a hat on a sunny day. I kept using my hand to shield my eyes from the sun. I looked over at my friend Jason and realized that his cap was doing what I was doing with my hand. I am sad to report that this occurred in my late 20s. So in my case, I tend to miss some things that are extremely apparent to others – but everybody does it in some form or another.

I guess that is not surprising considering how much there is in the world to perceive. And we all come to this world with our own predispositions. I often see form before I see function. How do you perceive?

Please feel free to share stories of times where your perception has failed you.

Mood Control

How much control do we have over our emotions?

Not so much how you express you emotions outwardly, which we usually have a fair amount of conscious control over – but what control do we have over the emotions themselves?

So you feel blue. How long do you sit with it before you do something to actively make yourself feel better? Does a bowl of ice cream lift your spirits? A beer? A video game to take your mind off of things? We usually do something to cheer ourselves up, whether healthy or not…

And then does taking your mind off of the problem count?

Yup. I think so. We have actively guided our emotions to a more positive state. We still may have to deal with whatever is at the root of the problem (whatever was the catalyst for the bad mood), but the root cause is DIFFERENT than the emotion.

• Example: I feel sad because my boss said that I am a no-talent hack and that they would rather look at their own feces than my artwork.
• I then cheer myself up by playing a Resident Evil video game and shooting zombies for 4 hours. Then, once I am calmed down - I think of ways to improve my performance at work so that my art isn’t equated with a fat steaming turd. I have disengaged my emotions enough to find a solution to the issue that was the catalyst for the bad mood.

Okay. Fine. With some comfort food (or zombies in my case), we can curtail those lousy feelings and fix the problem. Is that the full extent of our control?

How about preventative measures that we can take before the catalyst? Are there things we can do to avoid whatever triggered those lousy feelings? Perhaps we can take steps to avoid the things that actively cause problems.

Going back to the poop example, I could take preventative measures before talking to my boss:

1. Prepare myself that my feedback could be positive or negative. I know from experience that my boss is a raving lunatic*, so I will be ready to hear anything on the spectrum. That may involve preemptively killing a zombie, or drinking a shot of rum. Whatever.
2. Because the boss is nuttier than a squirrel*, I could find a sane 3rd party to convey the feedback to me. I’ll get the proper feedback, but without the unpredictable and unproductive ranting.
3. I could find out what the boss’s taste preferences are before I do my tasks. This little technique can save dozens of hours (or days) of work. Taking extra time to ask questions and make clarifications before you do the actual work is really, really worthwhile.
4. Of course, I can try my best to do such a good job that my work is not compared to human dookie.

These would help to avoid the situation altogether, thus avoiding the negative feelings that come as a result. Especially #3.

Cool. So we can try our best to avoid the situation that causes the bad feelings. IF THAT doesn’t work, we can use our various vices to curtail our lousy mood as best as we can.

Is there anything else? Would it be possible to have the negative situation come about without triggering the bad feelings? Would it be possible for my artwork to be compared to poop while keeping a good mood? Just because there is a real world catalyst, does not mean that your mood HAS to change for the worst. Does it?

I know for me, there are times that where I am more susceptible to being triggered into a negative emotional space. Sometimes even a small request feels like an accusation. Other times, no matter how bad the circumstance, I just keep smiling. I have been working on this, and lately I have found myself keeping a pretty positive attitude - most of the time**. And I have some ideas on how to keep positive emotionally even THROUGH those unfortunate real world events. Here are my recommendations:

1. Take care of your physical needs. This means getting enough sleep (whatever “enough” means to you). Eat regularly so that you don’t get low blood sugar. Don’t eat so much that you feel yucky. Drink enough water so that you are properly hydrated. Get some exercise. Your body affects your mood.
2. Cut yourself some slack. Everyone makes mistakes. You screwed up? It happens. Unfortunately, we tend to be harsh on ourselves when we realized we have screwed up, and that makes the situation drag out longer than it needs to. Forgive yourself and learn how to avoid
3. Prioritize your life. What is important to you? You can use time to help measure this - Will it matter two years from now whether you forgot to do the dishes? What about if you missed an episode of your favorite program? You probably won’t remember. What about if you used that same time to pursue your passions – would your life be different several years down the road?
4. PRACTICE. Practice being positive. Practice focusing on all the good things around you. Practice noticing the things that you are grateful for. Try separating your emotions from the difficult situations. Just because you are broke doesn’t mean that you are necessarily miserable. Just because your boss called your work crap doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad about it. That does not mean ignore the circumstance. If fact, often our negativity around a difficult obstacle will keep us from overcoming it.
   
   
   So we have some degree of control over our emotions – although it is probably different for each person. We can avoid and/or prepare for difficult circumstances. We can practice staying positive through adversity. We can cheer ourselves up with ice cream if need be. Still, sometimes our emotions overpower our senses. Weird.
   
   I was thinking that this was going to be a tiny little note of something that I was thinking about, but it got a bit bigger. Weird.
   
   
   
   * Just wanted to point out that in real life that all of my bosses at my current job are the best that I’ve ever had – hardworking, appreciative, and good humored people. I’ve worked with some really nutty folks over time, though. One guy had me carry around a stopwatch to time how long it took to complete daily tasks.
   
   **Although the last couple weeks I have been trying to wean myself off of coffee and have had my mood crashing down a lot. I am sacrificing some of my physical needs in the meantime for a better physical situation in the future.

40 Hours

How the crap did we adopt the 40 hour work week as a working standard?

It is so arbitrary. Ask the average worker how much of those 40 hours are actually spent doing work, and you will get widely volatile answers. Where did it come from? Did someone sit down and think, hey – ‘if we get people working a butt-load of hours, maybe they will get something done for some of them?’ Is it an intentional attempt to break people’s spirits? (Although that hardly makes sense, because if you break someone’s spirit – they do crappy work) How does time correlate to productivity?

I am becoming much more aware of output / product. What do my clients/bosses walk away with? In my field (art/animation), there is something tangible to see. But the idea is the same regardless of field – how do you help the company succeed? If your company makes more money because of your contributions, you will have inherent value no matter how many hours you are there or how hard you work. Think about it: if you were your boss, would you rather have an employee who was always at the office but got very little done, or one that comes less frequently but accomplishes a tremendous amount?

Hmmm… How would it be different if everyone worked from home?

Many of us would go crazy from social isolation. I guess a bunch of us would be even less productive without someone directly standing over us and harassing us. Or maybe we would be more productive without the crazy boss breathing down our necks. Hard to say how it would play out.

But why 40? What if everyone worked 25 hours a week? I wonder. Would we be more efficient? Probably not. I think people tend to goof off the same percentage of their day no matter how many hours they work. What if people were only paid on the output of their work? Not necessarily commission, but paid on the results of what they accomplished. That would be weird. I think that many people would be too scared. We would live with a bit less security. We would have to face up to the actual reality of how much value we are putting out into the world. On the flip side, we would have a more direct control over how much we earn monetarily. If you were genuinely working all 40 hours of the week, you could make a very generous income. If not, you could avoid those hours killing time at work until the clock strikes 5 – in favor of spending time with your family or loved ones.

Only one thing seems certain to me: in most cases the 40 hours that we are paid for does not directly correlate to the output of the efforts.

The Subway

Thoughts about riding the Subway to work:

Twice a day I spend roughly 45 minutes commuting on the subway and I find the way that people behave all together is really strange.

No one touches each other at all. No matter how crowded it gets, people go out of their way not to make any physical contact at all. The slightest brush of an elbow will usually cite an “I’m sorry”, or “excuse me”. One day I decided to try walking through the thickest part of the crowd that was waiting for a train that had yet to arrive. It was amazing - the people just parted out of the way. Not a single person made any contact.

[There are exceptions, of course. One time I was waiting at the entrance of a full train for the doors to close. The train was already packed and I was not going to be able to get on. But then a woman behind me pushed and shoved me inside so that she could get on the train. Some people got frustrated, but it was so unusual that I started laughing. I guess she was in a hurry.]

Other interesting oddities:

• Almost no one talks to each other – especially in the morning.
• Almost everybody has some sort of diversion with them. A book, newspaper, word-find, sudoko, walkman (er… ipod – jeez I’m old), laptop, whatever.
• No one moves once they sit down or find their standing spot.
• The few strangers who have talked to me on the subway have mostly just had something horrible happen to someone they cared about and were in shock.

Sometimes as I watch how people move when a stop is really busy, it is quite amazing. People swarm in several directions, but all flowing into a few areas that bottleneck – the escalator, turnstile, or train door. At first, I would find the lack of identity extremely off-putting. It used to disgust me, and give me the mental image of maggots clumping around something – but since I have grown to really find it extremely beautiful.

Now I find it much more very similar to watching cells flow in various directions through a microscope. Perhaps we are just cells in the body of some enormous entity. During each commute, I look around me in the subway and wonder surreally, ‘just how do all those cells know which way to go’?

Lately, I find myself feeling more open to being a part of this collective humanity. I don’t understand how we all fit together, but I get this feeling like we are all parts of a seamless whole.

Collective Consciousness

After posting my first blog, I found myself thinking a great deal about this urge to put my thoughts up on the web. Why do I feel an inclination to put my ideas up for review and open myself up to comments that could be potentially very negative?

In order to answer that I need to go on a relevant tangent - lately I have been thinking about the internet as an abstraction. We turn on a computer and look at the screen and ‘link in’ to a vast collective consciousness. We view many peoples’ ideas, emotions, entertainment, and humor. We communicate without ever opening our mouths, and sometimes I imagine that it appears telepathic to other animals.

We are The Borg.

What can be found on the internet is nothing short of amazing. Anything you could possibly think of can be found in some form on the web. You want to learn to tune a banjo? It’s there. Curious how to earn more money? It’s there. Want to learn how to sleep only 3 hours each day and still feel rested? It’s there. Want a loan? It’s there. Want free stuff? You can find it. Curious whether there are others with your same weird interest? There are. It’s rad. What’s more, things you would have never thought of are there, too.

I personally feel like that I have gained a great deal of value from the web. I get tons of entertainment, and a tremendous amount of information online. I frequently download audio books from my local library free of charge. Much of my communication is done online, instantly.

Although in general, my contributions have been very small. I am in general pretty self-conscious about writing publicly, and have mostly been what they call a ‘lurker’. Now I am trying to get past that, and contribute to the larger consciousness.

On Creativity

Creativity is a mental skill/capacity that everyone is innately born with. For a series of reasons, many people give up many creative endeavors in the preteen stage of life. Why do they tend to give this up? A few reasons: First, and most obviously – it is deemphasized as a valuable skill by many school institutions. Most skills taught and valued are very left brain/logical in implementation. So a technical ability like writing would commonly be taught in an analytic (left-brained) fashion as opposed to exploring the more creative components. Second, there is urban myth that a person is either born with native talent or else they will never be able to learn the skills involved. This is of course a fallacy. Third, we are at a point in our social society where children are often encouraged to give up when something doesn’t come naturally to them. We (and I, too, am also guilty of this) tend to try to shield our children from any pain, disappointment, or discomfort. Learning to express your ideas – be it in visual, music, writing, or otherwise – is difficult. It takes time. It is also learning that takes trial and error. You cannot learn everything from observation without actually experiencing the act of creating. Criticism can often be very harsh, and it can be painful. That is simply a part of growing as an Artist.

So what exactly is creativity? Well, it is building something that was not there before. It can take the form of drawing, music, writing, construction, philosophy, business, etc.

But how can we “create something”? Everything is already there. Well… kinda. Look at it this way – all of the things you see around you are made up of atoms. Whether it’s your coffee, your ipod, the computer or book you are reading this on, or your coworker. They are all made of the same basic components. As these components are put together in different ways, we end up with some wildly different results. Likewise, as we put together different ideas we can end up with wildly different results. All genres of western music – Jazz, Heavy metal, Classical, Light Rock, Country, Pop, etc – are constructed from the same 12 note musical scale. 12 notes. That’s it. Many songs don’t even use all 12. Most stay within an 8 note musical scale. All things that we see are created from only a few colors. Everything on your TV screen is build from just Red, yellow, Green, Black and white. 5 colors to construct every visual that you can imagine.

So what is makes some ideas more creative? The more unique the end result is from the other results using the same media. Example: If you have a pen and some paper there are an infinite amount ways to use those tools together. Although that is the case, the majority of uses that people will commonly think of will involve using the pen to write on the paper in some way.
Perhaps there are other ways to use those items. Perhaps you could use the spring inside the pen to create some sort of projectile. Maybe you could build some form of weapon. You could perhaps melt the pen into small pieces of plastic and fold the paper into a container and create a hacky-sack style footbag. I am not saying that these particular ideas are very good. They aren’t. I am not really coming up with much this morning – that happens sometimes. Although they are not good, they are inherently more CREATIVE than using the pen and paper to write because they are using the components in a unique way.

I’ve heard it said that every story has already been written – and have seen lists that describe “every possible story”. I think that idea is pretty dumb. Those “stories” are just tools for creating a story arc. What and how the story is told will fundamentally change the narrative. Suppose we tell a classic love story…. Would it make a difference whether the characters were middle class verses homeless folks? Or about George W. Bush and his wife? How about if the characters were the same sex? What about if they lived in Iraq? What about from an animal’s perspective? How about a love story from the perspective of a pencil fallen in love with paper using personification? What about the length of the story? Would a love story told as a 5 page short story be fundamentally different than one that takes 1200 pages to tell? Would it make a difference if the story had visual representation as it was being told? Or music?

Of course these things would make a difference! On a fundamental level changing even some of the smaller components of a story can make it a different story.

So you want say that you have a difficult time creating? I’ve got some exercises for you to help with creativity. But first I want to take a moment to talk about your mindset – first let go of the idea of making something perfect. Actually, let go of the idea that you will make anything pretty in any way. This (ironically) is the first step towards making something beautiful. This is the first step towards strengthening the right hemisphere of your brain.

You must create without (too much) conscious thought about theory and form. There is always time to critique and refine that after the fact. But while you are creating, you should strive to be totally and utterly immersed in the act of creating. Many Writers or Artists call this being “in the zone”. Once you are in the zone, you become totally focused on what you are doing without regard for the outcome. Your awareness of everything outside of the creation becomes dim or nonexistent and you may find yourself forgetting to eat, use the restroom, or go to sleep. When you are engaging the right hemisphere of your brain (being in the zone), you will find that accidents seem to disappear. Every word, stroke, or note seems to be exactly right for the circumstance. When you do make a mistake, that accidental line easily becomes a new character in the scene. An accidental sentence may spark a relevant tangent in your script. In short, any mistake only becomes a new portion of blank canvas to work with.

Some of my exercises. In truth, I really haven’t found myself without any ideas for a very long time. Usually I have only problems finding the time to nurture my concepts into fruition. Nonetheless, here are some things that I find that tend to inspire me:

1. Just do. If you are a writer, start writing. If you are a musician start playing music. If you are an artist, start arting. Go for quantity over quality. You might not want to show everything you create to anybody. Doesn’t matter. There is time for refinement later.
2. Write (or draw or whatever) when you are supposed to be doing something else. I have no idea WHY this works but for me it really does. For some reason those doodles created while procrastinating on a main project turn into something magical.
3. Stealing other peoples work. Wait! I’m not proposing that you rip someone off! Take an idea that is ‘finished’ and successful, and figure out how you can change one component to change the entire feel of the piece. Sometimes a seemingly small change will make such a HUGE difference that it becomes a different piece. How would the Mona Lisa look as a cow (thank you Gary Larson!)
4. Working under a (or several) major constraint(s). (these are just ideas – your constraints may be more interesting)

• Mess with time constraints. Make a 100 diary entries in two hours. Work on a piece EVERY single day for a year. Work for 18 hours without a break.
• Mess with tool constraints. Use a huge brush to paint on a 2 inch by 2 inch canvas. Post every single word you write online and make comments available. Try writing in crayons. Try doing a complicated landscape using nothing but broccoli.
• Force yourself to use an unfamiliar/unintuitive media. Write by dictation. Try singing your story instead of telling it. If you only draw, try painting. Try broccoli as mentioned before. Make your whole story out of alphabet soup letters.
• Make physical constraints. Try doing your work while standing on your head. Try working with your eyes closed. Draw with your non-dominant hand.
  

So why would we constrain ourselves? Wouldn’t that limit our creativity? Actually, no. When we are forced into new circumstances, we must solve familiar problems in new ways. We cannot as easily fall back on the things that have worked for us before, which helps to avoid unintentional repetitiveness.


Anyhoo, these are just some ideas that work for me. Number 2 seems to be my dominant inspiration as of lately, though.