Mood Control

How much control do we have over our emotions?

Not so much how you express you emotions outwardly, which we usually have a fair amount of conscious control over – but what control do we have over the emotions themselves?

So you feel blue. How long do you sit with it before you do something to actively make yourself feel better? Does a bowl of ice cream lift your spirits? A beer? A video game to take your mind off of things? We usually do something to cheer ourselves up, whether healthy or not…

And then does taking your mind off of the problem count?

Yup. I think so. We have actively guided our emotions to a more positive state. We still may have to deal with whatever is at the root of the problem (whatever was the catalyst for the bad mood), but the root cause is DIFFERENT than the emotion.

• Example: I feel sad because my boss said that I am a no-talent hack and that they would rather look at their own feces than my artwork.
• I then cheer myself up by playing a Resident Evil video game and shooting zombies for 4 hours. Then, once I am calmed down - I think of ways to improve my performance at work so that my art isn’t equated with a fat steaming turd. I have disengaged my emotions enough to find a solution to the issue that was the catalyst for the bad mood.

Okay. Fine. With some comfort food (or zombies in my case), we can curtail those lousy feelings and fix the problem. Is that the full extent of our control?

How about preventative measures that we can take before the catalyst? Are there things we can do to avoid whatever triggered those lousy feelings? Perhaps we can take steps to avoid the things that actively cause problems.

Going back to the poop example, I could take preventative measures before talking to my boss:

1. Prepare myself that my feedback could be positive or negative. I know from experience that my boss is a raving lunatic*, so I will be ready to hear anything on the spectrum. That may involve preemptively killing a zombie, or drinking a shot of rum. Whatever.
2. Because the boss is nuttier than a squirrel*, I could find a sane 3rd party to convey the feedback to me. I’ll get the proper feedback, but without the unpredictable and unproductive ranting.
3. I could find out what the boss’s taste preferences are before I do my tasks. This little technique can save dozens of hours (or days) of work. Taking extra time to ask questions and make clarifications before you do the actual work is really, really worthwhile.
4. Of course, I can try my best to do such a good job that my work is not compared to human dookie.

These would help to avoid the situation altogether, thus avoiding the negative feelings that come as a result. Especially #3.

Cool. So we can try our best to avoid the situation that causes the bad feelings. IF THAT doesn’t work, we can use our various vices to curtail our lousy mood as best as we can.

Is there anything else? Would it be possible to have the negative situation come about without triggering the bad feelings? Would it be possible for my artwork to be compared to poop while keeping a good mood? Just because there is a real world catalyst, does not mean that your mood HAS to change for the worst. Does it?

I know for me, there are times that where I am more susceptible to being triggered into a negative emotional space. Sometimes even a small request feels like an accusation. Other times, no matter how bad the circumstance, I just keep smiling. I have been working on this, and lately I have found myself keeping a pretty positive attitude - most of the time**. And I have some ideas on how to keep positive emotionally even THROUGH those unfortunate real world events. Here are my recommendations:

1. Take care of your physical needs. This means getting enough sleep (whatever “enough” means to you). Eat regularly so that you don’t get low blood sugar. Don’t eat so much that you feel yucky. Drink enough water so that you are properly hydrated. Get some exercise. Your body affects your mood.
2. Cut yourself some slack. Everyone makes mistakes. You screwed up? It happens. Unfortunately, we tend to be harsh on ourselves when we realized we have screwed up, and that makes the situation drag out longer than it needs to. Forgive yourself and learn how to avoid
3. Prioritize your life. What is important to you? You can use time to help measure this - Will it matter two years from now whether you forgot to do the dishes? What about if you missed an episode of your favorite program? You probably won’t remember. What about if you used that same time to pursue your passions – would your life be different several years down the road?
4. PRACTICE. Practice being positive. Practice focusing on all the good things around you. Practice noticing the things that you are grateful for. Try separating your emotions from the difficult situations. Just because you are broke doesn’t mean that you are necessarily miserable. Just because your boss called your work crap doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad about it. That does not mean ignore the circumstance. If fact, often our negativity around a difficult obstacle will keep us from overcoming it.
   
   
   So we have some degree of control over our emotions – although it is probably different for each person. We can avoid and/or prepare for difficult circumstances. We can practice staying positive through adversity. We can cheer ourselves up with ice cream if need be. Still, sometimes our emotions overpower our senses. Weird.
   
   I was thinking that this was going to be a tiny little note of something that I was thinking about, but it got a bit bigger. Weird.
   
   
   
   * Just wanted to point out that in real life that all of my bosses at my current job are the best that I’ve ever had – hardworking, appreciative, and good humored people. I’ve worked with some really nutty folks over time, though. One guy had me carry around a stopwatch to time how long it took to complete daily tasks.
   
   **Although the last couple weeks I have been trying to wean myself off of coffee and have had my mood crashing down a lot. I am sacrificing some of my physical needs in the meantime for a better physical situation in the future.